OH! NO! NOT AGAIN!!

OH! NO! NOT AGAIN!!

As the cacophony of the mobile alarm created waves of unpleasant wakefulness, I opened my eyes with slothful reluctance. It was 7.30 in the morning. I gathered myself and sauntered into the dining room and found to my surprise that the breakfast was ready out there. Am I missing out something? The mobile in my hand whirred ominously and there popped up an alert…Monthly Budget Review’ time...7.45 am. Heavens! I have not even prepared well. The ‘Elephant God’ on the wall appeared to have winked.

“pl get ready and assemble in ten minutes” said my wife, suddenly making an entry from the kitchen with a bowl of steaming idlis. “Hope you don’t disappoint me this time. Last time you got away without explaining quite a few expense entries. It’s time you took a serious look at the budgets”. I looked around for the other members. My son just popped in with a couple of clumsy notes in his hand trying to make a few last minute calculations. “Where is she?” I asked my son conspiratorially. “Oh! Sis went out on some work” he said jealously. “Don’t worry she will join on phone” my wife clarified.

I came back as quickly as possible, all the while trying to mentally organize answers for some possible queries. A dull pain in my temples started which I know would radiate soon to my entire head. This has been a regular phenomenon over the last one year and my physician considered the case on the regularity and the occurrence behavior, diagnosed it as PBS...Pre Budget Syndrome. He said I need to live with it and prescribed some anti-anxiety pills. I popped one and moved on to the arena.

My wife is the self-proclaimed chairperson and conducts a review of all the expenses, broken promises and of course failed budgets. She makes meticulous notes of every proceeding in a hard bound register which bears authentic testimony to our financial profligacy. A couple of attempts at sabotage of trying to fiddle with the register were traced and the culprits (names are immaterial) were ruthlessly taken to task through various penal provisions.

“You overshot the expense projection by a mile” she said disapprovingly to me trying to draw my attention from the steaming idlis and the temping chutney. “When I ask for a projection you give some number and just in a couple of days you come with a different number. What’s the sanctity of the projections? This is unacceptable and this way I can’t run the house”. The marked pain in her voice temporarily subdued my desire for one more helping of idlis. “Don’t you remember I met this ex-colleague of mine two days ago and we went for dinner and er... a couple of insignificant drinks? I picked up the bill. You see such things are unexpected” I tried to reason out. “How come whenever you go out with friends, you end up picking up the bill?” she quizzed. “You see darling I draw the wallet faster than them, no wonder, I have cat like reflexes” “May be you should try your luck with a cricket team as a fielding coach” she smirked.

“By the way, have you recovered that hand loan given to the driver at least this month?” “No. he told me there was bereavement in the family and he could not tie it up”. “What about last month? He did not repay any”. “Oh! Last month someone in the family had to be hospitalized for swine-flu”. “What about the month before?” she sounded annoyed. “He said there were school admissions for the children and he was very short on cash” I said meekly. “Look! It’s more than six months and you better get him out clearly on how he would square it up” she dismissed the issue with uncompromising certainty and started making notes.

“Dad! Have you noticed that new sheaf of papers with mom?” my son whispered. “Don’t tell me it’s some new stuff which we need to abide by”. “Come on dad! It’s real exciting stuff. She has prepared ‘Roadmap 2012’” I was taken aback “what for?” “I just got a clue that it’s a whole lot of planning for Sis’s marriage. It’s to be unveiled” Oh! May be we should try to understand it at some week-end holiday destination?” I sounded optimistic. “Not a bad idea. I like it. But don’t you dare say ‘holiday destination’, ‘project planning & strategy meet’ should be apt” “I couldn’t agree more. Sounds very professional to me” I nodded happily.

The meeting had to be deferred as there were urgent summons to my wife from the auntie opposite for some cooking consultation. I threw myself back on to the nearby bean bag and started rejoicing the moments of freedom. You see, these sessions are very mentally taxing and hopefully there would be a respite for one more month. I closed my eyes and drifted into a state of bliss with all thoughts pushed into oblivion and time seemed to have stalled when suddenly my son jerked me awake “Dad. You got a call from your boss’s office. He would like to have a concal on budget in about fifteen minutes from now”. A sudden darkness seemed to have descended on my mind. Somewhere inside my heart a voice moaned “OH! NO! NOT AGAIN!!”

(written on 07-12-2009)